24

It was my birthday yesterday. I am officially 24 years old. I was thinking before THE day if I am mature or if I am just right for my age. I can never tell. All I know is I am 24 and I have what I deserve and I act as I think how good people should act. I have my evil side of course, it comes out every once in a while. What made my day special. Let's see... There are 3 things that made my birthday this year so special.
1. I held a lunch party at Lucena. Why at Lucena? I don't know. It just felt right to have it there. I wanted to make my relatives happy especially my Lola and I wanted to share with them all the blessings I had over the year. I have to say that a lot of things happened over just one year. I am thankful for everything and I awnted my birthday party to bemy personal thanksgiving for all the blessings I received. Too bad John wasn't there. But it's ok. We'll have our time.
2. We were at Ayala last Saturday (27th). I saw at Music One the DVD boxed set of Lois and Clark, 3rd season. I tried not to buy it but my resistance lasted for 3 hours. After that, I just had to buy it. Have I ever told you that I AM one of the biggest fanatic of that series and that up until now I am a Teri Hatcher fan? I don't know why but that series when I was in high school was a very big part of my life and routine. I think at one point I was literally obssessed with the series and Teri Hatcher. I can't wipe the smile of my face after buying the DVD. I have been watching it for the past couple of days and it makes me feel good and fuzzy inside. They can still make me happy after all these years. Hahahahaha! That DVD just makes me happy.
3. It was at around 7:30AM, January 29th, when my door opened and I saw my mom holding a big bouquet of red roses and a paper bag. She then told me that the flowers and gift were from John. I was so touched. John is in Vietnam. And I guess I underestimated him when I thought all I'll get was a SMS or a call. I did get a SMS, was suppossed to get a call but more than that, I got love from Vietnam. I can't believe what just happened. Once again, he made me realize that he loves me so much. It's like I fell in love with him all over again and he made me feel like I am the luckiest girl alive. I never really thought that I'd say that last statement but I just did. I always thought that that just ain't my style. Apparently, he's got ways of making me feel things. I soon learned taht the gift was from him and the other one was from his mom. They're both sweet. Ü I think I looked like a fool the whole day. I never let the rose out of my sight the whole day.
It is a Happy Birthday. I can't think of anything else that would have made my day.

With that said is it bad if I say that I think I'm starting to be burned out at work? I'm different. Something's different. And it's not good. I've always been burned out...

missing

I just realized that I miss my bestfriend. =( It used to be that she was a very big part of my world. When I thought my world was falling apart back then she was one of the few who made me not just smile but laugh. She was my teacher when I was in 3rd year high school. Before the year ends she was my friend. The year after she was my best friend. It saddens me sometimes to think that we have drifted apart. We are busy with our lives. She's got her family and work to keep her occupied. As for me, I have work. I'm thinking right now that I lack the effort to communicate with her. I am gonna change that. Starting now.

what now?

Almost 10 months in Helpdesk and I am up for a leadership position. It's pretty neat but it also poses it's cons. Most of the times I am scared to publish any details in here thiking that it'll kick me in my behind one of theses days. Eyes are watching.
I am grateful and happy with the decision. But just thinking of it makes me tired. I still need a lot of work. In most aspects of my career, I still need work. Unfortunately at this point, I'm not sure if I am up to it. How did life get so complicated? I sometimes long for life's simplicity. Gone were those days. I'm not really sure why I'm feeling this way. Is this because I'm slightly saddened by the fact that my boyfriend is somewhere out of the country and I haven't seen him for a month? Is it because I haven't found what I really want in life? Is it because I'm simply tired and I need rest? Is it because I want complexity in life? I really don't know. All I know is I want life's simplicity back. i'm thinking maybe I'm just burned out. At ths point, who isn't?

I miss John. He's been gone for far too long. I never really blurted it out. I'm always scared to let my emotions out thinking that it would be used against me. I'm also scared to let it out because I always think that by saying it, it makes it more real. I don't wanna be bursting into tears. that's just not my style. I don't want that to be my style. But lately, I've been feeling sadder by the day. If this is any indication of something. I'm thinking it's a good one.

I'm just rambling away. Typing down things that has been running down my mind. I need a break. I need a breather. But timing is everything.

blah! bigla akong tinamad...