what now?

Almost 10 months in Helpdesk and I am up for a leadership position. It's pretty neat but it also poses it's cons. Most of the times I am scared to publish any details in here thiking that it'll kick me in my behind one of theses days. Eyes are watching.
I am grateful and happy with the decision. But just thinking of it makes me tired. I still need a lot of work. In most aspects of my career, I still need work. Unfortunately at this point, I'm not sure if I am up to it. How did life get so complicated? I sometimes long for life's simplicity. Gone were those days. I'm not really sure why I'm feeling this way. Is this because I'm slightly saddened by the fact that my boyfriend is somewhere out of the country and I haven't seen him for a month? Is it because I haven't found what I really want in life? Is it because I'm simply tired and I need rest? Is it because I want complexity in life? I really don't know. All I know is I want life's simplicity back. i'm thinking maybe I'm just burned out. At ths point, who isn't?

I miss John. He's been gone for far too long. I never really blurted it out. I'm always scared to let my emotions out thinking that it would be used against me. I'm also scared to let it out because I always think that by saying it, it makes it more real. I don't wanna be bursting into tears. that's just not my style. I don't want that to be my style. But lately, I've been feeling sadder by the day. If this is any indication of something. I'm thinking it's a good one.

I'm just rambling away. Typing down things that has been running down my mind. I need a break. I need a breather. But timing is everything.