bring back the sun

John's back in town. Finally! It has been two months since he left. It was the longest time that we spent apart. Not to mention all the holidays that passed by. I seldom said I missed him. I just know that my emotions would come crashing towards me if I admitted my feelings so I had to brave it by saying and thinking that I am okay.

ramblings of my mind. part two.

I think I'm officially burned out. I am toast. Zilch. Nada. Blasted to oblivion. Nah, that's too much. But I really think I am burned out. What is burned out. It is a state wherein you're resources has been zapped out from you by work thus you find it hard to work. I need a vacation. A good one. A happy one. A relaxing one. I need a vacation. I should be working. I am blogging instead. Why? Because I am hoping that after posting my feelings in this online journal I would be productive again and start working like again.
Andami kong issues. Andami ring tumatakbo sa isip at emosyon ko. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Pakiramdam ko, para na lang akong robot na gumagalaw ng kusa. Gumagalaw para sa naayon. Gumagalaw ayon sa pagkaka-program saking sarili.
I need a break. And I need one now.

ramblings of my mind

I realized that if I am having a hard time with our situation, John is in a tougher spot. He's away from home, family, friends and me. While I on the other hand is away from him but still has my family and friends. I have learned not to give him a hard time.
You see, I believe that when you fall in love there are things that are meant to change. For me I always think that I had to give up my pride. I haven't given it up completely but I've given up most of it. I am a conceited person and it was really hard for me seeing myself swallow my pride for our relationship. I always think that it's not worth it but I always hang around. Is the love we have the real thing? The kind that makes it last forever? I know one thing. We are in love. The rest, is yet to be known.

it never ends

Just when I was so excited about him coming home. I get a sms saying that he won't make it. It's just so frustrating. I have always been somebody who gets pissed when things don't go as planned that's why I always make sure that everything is final before I plan things out. BUT CIRCUMSTANCE ALWAYS GET ON MY FUCKING WAY. Yes, I am pissed. What frustrates me more is the fact that I can't do anything about it. That's the bottomline, I can't do anything about it. I don't know what pisses me more. The fact that he won't make it home tomorrow or that he's surrounded by I can only guess stupid vietnamese who can't get their things straight plus the way circumstance ruins everything.