detached

I am living in my own little world. I am detached. I want to hide on a little hole and be with myself. Just myself. Nobody else but myself. I wanna be alone. With all the things I'll need to make me happy. All things but no other person but me. What is happening to me? WHy am I being like this? It all started with that one look. And now, everything is messed up. My mind is messed up. I am messed up.

be like that

Once again I am trying to hide my real emotion behind a laugh. Trying to make everything around me fun so I won't feel the sadness. Why do I always have a hard time letting go of what I feel? I always have trouble letting go of my emotion. I guess, I always will.

parang

Parang di ako natuwa dun a. Kinakabahan talaga ako. Parang me mangyayaring hindi ko gusto. Parang malapit ng matapos ang lahat. Bakit kaya?

Naisip ko kaninang umaga pagka-gising ko matapos kong tumingin sa messages ng cellphone ko na tatanggapin kaya ako bilang Trainer sa ibang call cente. Sa palagay ko hindi. Hindi kasi ako magaling magsulat at magsalita ng tama. Kasalanan ko ito. Hindi kasi ako nakinig sa teacher ko nung bata pa ako habang nagtuturo siya ng Ingles. Nakakatawa na naisip ko yan ngayon habang ako ay nagtratrabaho sa call center. Napaka-ironic.
Naisip ko din pwede ako sa IT department. Kahit paano me alam ako. Pero naisip ko hindi pa ata sapat.
Magaling lang siguro akong umarte at dumiskarte. Nakakalungkot naman. Binabaon ko na naman ang sarili ko.

resolved

I thought I did a pretty good job. But now, I feel unappreciated. Magkakasakit ako...

initial/update

I used to think I was happy with my life. Now, I'm not really sure. What happened? Even I had to ask. Work happened. That's what! Things weren't as they were, just like all things in life. It changed. For the best and for the better. I sometimes feel so ungrateful for the opportunity my work has given me. You see, I was promoted thrice within a year. Such a good move for a career. But as I reached the stature where I'm in right now, I feel like I once again don't know where to go. What happens after? Add the constant stress that I have to undergo and bear, I just have to learn to ignore and let things be. It makes me sad to think that I am failing my boss' and colleagues expectations at times. Once again, I expect too much from myself. I just can't seem to relax. I want a life full of relaxation! Hahaha! Life is complicated. I think I'm not living my life to the fullest. I don't know what to do about it. After 24 years, I am still confused and I guess I'll always be. What lies ahead. Hmmm... Abangan ang susunod na kabanata.

Sana matapos ko na yung csi ny...

the beach

Ang sarap mag-beach! Summer officially started for me. :) YUn nga lang bukas aalis na si JOhn.:( Anyway, back to the beach. The beach in Zambales was ok. Malinis pa naman compared sa ibang beaches yun nga lang andaming "jologs". Kainis. Mga adik! Tapos yung place na pinag-stay-an namin taga. Sabi nga namin na bawat galaw at hakbang namin me bayad. Hehehehe! Ano pa ba yung mga kaasar na part? So far, yun lang naman. Pasok naman sa budget ang trip. Ok nga, e. SObrang minimal budget. At, at, at! We went to this island, Capones Island, hanep sa ganda! It made everything worth the while. Super clear beaches, white (not fine, though) sand, beautiful scenery and amazing rock formations! Sobra talaga! Ang ganda! Ang sarap lumangoy at magbabad, kaya eto me pagka-egoy ako. Hahahaha! Ang ganda talaga nung place, the best! Gusto ko nga bumalik e, mga next month siguro. =) Adik! At alam mo ba, nakakita ako ng baby shark. The night before our island trip kasi nag stay kami sa beach waiting for fisherman and their catch for the night yung isa me nahuling blowfisj at shark. Kawawa naman yung shark, dapat di na lang nila hinuli yun nga lang sa hirap ng buhay at onti ng huli, i guess no choice si manong. Kaya nung morning, on our way to the island medyo scared ako at baka me shark na umatake samin. Pareho pala kami ng iniisip ni omar! Hehehe! Talk about paranoid! On our way back, we ate at the famous Razon's. Ok yung palabok, masarap siya kaso yung 6-8 person nila na bilao, joke! pang 4 lang yun e. Dapat nag single porder na lang kami. Yung halo-halo, well, hindi kasi ako mahilig sa halo-halo e. Masarap naman siya, simple lang kaso ang tamis! Sobra! kaya andali kong nagsawa. I guess, masarap talaga yung mga ganung halo-halo para sa mga halo-halo lovers. E, hindi ako yun e. Hehe! Kapagod. Now back to reality. Hay! Back to real life! Sana weekend na lang parati.

alone

one of the most hurtful word I've ever heard.