ulul mo *pun intended*

Forgive my harshness but that was what I really wanted to tell the MMDA Officer (Officer daw siya e. Dapat pala sinabi ko Officer din ako sa opisina. *snickers*) earlier. John, myself and JP just came off SM Megamall and was in EDSA. We were headed to Makati because they were going to drop me off there. John was behind the wheel. That would seem to be the most natural thing in the world. As John said we would be taking the U Turn slot under the bridge headed to Greenhills but he was caught by surprise of the stupid pink railings after Poveda that he had to "abruplty" change lanes. By doing this the vulture that was the MMDA Officer stationed somewhere near the street flagged us and upon seeing John tried to take a turn to the next street but stopped him. I thought the street that he was going to take was a one way street, thus causing us more trouble. So, bottom line of part 1, we got flagged and had a head on collision with the Moron. His first line was: “Patingin po ng lisensya niyo.” John: “Bakit po, anong violation?”. Well, admittedly we tried to run away from him but mainly because I guess we didn’t want the hassle and we all agreed that we primarily didn’t do anything wrong. It was just one fucking lane, man! Anyway, the story continues. He goes on to explain that we swerved that was why he was flagging us and when he did that we tried to run away.
Moron: Nag swerving po kayo tapos nung huhulihin ko na kayo nagtangka pa kayo tumakas.
Kats: Manong, isa-isa lang. Simulan natin to sa sinasabi mong swerving dahil dun naman nagmula ang lahat ng to.
The moron goes on to explain that we swerved from one lane to another.
Kats, John and JP: Pano nagging swerving yun e isang lane lang yung nilipatan naming? Magu-Uturn kami jan san mo kami gusto dumaan?
Moron: Dapat kung magu-Uturn kayo dun pa lang nag prepare na kayo. *points* (I bet if we did that huhulihin niya kami kasi nasa Yellow/PUV lane kami.)
I forgot what I said but he abruptly cuts me telling me:
Moron: Ma’am, wag po kayo makialam kasi hindi naman po kayo driver.
He said that in a very rude manner.
Kats: Manong, driver din ako. Me lisensya ako. *sagasaan pa kita jan kung gusto mo. Kalmado pa din*
Moron started raising his voice and I didn’t like it one bit. Ako nga nagpipigil e, at isang napaka-laking effort nun para sakin, ask anybody who saw me mad, at siya ganun-ganun na lang kung kausapin kami.
Kats: Manong, wag mo kaming pagtaasan ng boses dahil hindi kita sinisigawan. *stern voice*
Moron: Hindi po ako sumisigaw, eto po ang natural kong boses.
Kats: Ayos a. *mutters* maghintay ka pag lumabas ang natural ko…
And the story goes on with the usual nonsense babble. In fairness, panalo ang patience ko ke moron. Pwede akong magwagi ng “Best in Patience” para sa engkwentrong yun.
Moron: Ganito po kasi yan para maayos tayo. Ibigay niyo sakin yung lisensya niyo, titiketan ko kayo at kung me reklamo kayo, sa opisina po kayo magreklamo at haharapin ko kayo dun.
Kats: Manong, san ka naman nakakita na nagging tama ang kasuhan mo kami ng hindi mo naipapaliwanag ng maayos ang ginawa naming mali tapos saka ka naming hahabulin? Kelan pa naging tama ang ganong proseso? Ipaliwanag mo samin yung kaso naming, ibibigay naming sayo ang lisensya.
Moron: Swerving nga po kayo.
John and JP: Pano nagging swerving yun e isang lane lang yun?! Two lanes ang swerving!
Moron: E abrupt change of lanes nga po ang kaso niyo.
Kats: O, kanina swerving bakit abrupt change of lanes na ang kaso?
Moron: Ganito po kasi yun, driver po kayo di ba, ipapaliwanag ko.
Kats: O ngayon driver na din ako. Kanina ayaw mong pumayag na driver ako.
Moron goes to explane that the one lane change is categorized as swerving and that we John has to surrender his license to them. Hell no! The debate went on with him still insisting that he’ll file a ticket against John and we can argue about it later at their office. Neknek mo manong! But this was Moron’s priceless argument.
Moron: MMDA Officer po ako karapatan ko na kunin ang lisensya niyo at isyuhan kayo ng ticket.
Oh holy crap, you didn’t just effing said that!
Kats: O sige, manong. Karapatan mo yan. Pero, karapatan din naming bilang mamamayan na nagbabayad ng buwis na kwestunin ang sinasabi mo at hingin sayo na ipaliwanag ng mabuti samin ang kaso na sinasampa mo laban samin. Hangga’t di mo napapaliwanag samin kung ano ang kaso, hindi naming ibibigay sayo ang lisensya.
The moron had rights I know but that was one of the weakest argument that I have ever heard of in my entire adult life from a freaking government official. Do not get me started with your rights because I damn well know what mine are and I assure you that I have been paying good money through my fucking taxes for it. And what do I get in return?!? Morons like you who just want to take more cash from our pockets. Hell no! I will simply not allow that. That is just too much for me and John to take. We give our share and expects very little in return from this freaking government and when they don’t deliver I want to kill the President first and the rest will follow.

Ano ang bottomline? Hindi niya nakuha ang lisensya ni John. Baket? Kasi hindi kami swerving at hindi niya maipaliwanag samin kung ano ba talaga ang offence namin. No offence, no license! INA MO! Sorry ka madaldal talaga ako.

Sabi ko nga kina John hindi siya sigurado sa ipapataw niya saming offence kaya hindi niya kami mabigyan ng magandang explanation. Kamag-anak lang siya ni Nanette Imbentor. Dahil kung sigurado siya dapat pinanindigan niya yun. I for one knows na I would stand for what I believe in like how we/I stood up against him. It might be that or wala siyang balls panindigan ang sinabi niya…

*Joey Mead voice*: Manong, wala kang balls no?
**Alam niyo ba yung commercial niya na yun kung saan sabi niya: “Manong, ang sarap ng balls (fish balls) no/mo (di ko maalala kung alin sa dalawa e)?** ß natatak siya sa isipan ko. Kasi kadiri siya.

On the lighter side of things: Me supplier na kami para sa photography/videography ang wedding rings. :)